my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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