I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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