Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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