I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
