I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
