home. puking in laundry basket.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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