Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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