when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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