I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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