Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
