I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
where are my eyebrows?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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