i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
