i think i recognize dicks better than faces
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
