she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
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I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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