Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He passed out mid-signature
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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