just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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