My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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