I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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