white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
