Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
