You're completely useless in the revolution.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
