Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
