just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
