So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
