i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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