On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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