You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
