I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
