When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
