He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize