He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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