how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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