Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
