I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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