Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
