TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
