omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
