so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
