coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
