Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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