yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
