How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
