I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
