6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
