I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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