If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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