awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
