My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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