She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
