why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
