Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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