There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
