1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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