Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
