Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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