you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
a search helicopter?!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
