goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
