Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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