I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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