I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am available for nakedness
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
