is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
