Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
