I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
