ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.