I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early