He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...