You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
a search helicopter?!
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America