He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.