well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
