When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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