Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
