It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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