Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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