bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
