Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
