Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
