Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
