Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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