I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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