i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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