if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
