My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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