Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
