I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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